


Under The Floorboards

by NonbinaryRobot



Category: Fallout - Fandom, Fallout 4
Genre: Character Study, Not Beta Read, Other, Pre-Relationship, Trans Character, Unrequited Crush, a lil bit, past transphobia mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 22:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12827763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonbinaryRobot/pseuds/NonbinaryRobot
Summary: It's quite funny, really, how one falls in love.





	Under The Floorboards

  _I keep my heart,_

_Under the floor boards,_

_deep in the dark._

_Far away from yours._

* * *

 

   It's funny, how one falls in love. Sometimes it's love at first site, based off of looks. Sometimes it starts off with a friendship. A bond between two people. One out of mutual respect, humor, shared pain, and all things in between. It slowly grows. Creeping up, over days. weeks. months. years. Until the day it finally shows itself, almost like a hit to a baseball, a hit that's big enough to create a home run. It's funny how one falls in love. The best outcome is always both side are in love. 

 

Sometimes, It's one sided. 

 

It's scary. It creates a massive surplus of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of embarrassment. The fear of losing a friend. Wrapped up in a neat bow made of anxiety and paranoia. It's something that, Pr0-w1 didn't expect to happen. It's not something to be expected, of course. Why would one expect such a thing? That's when it finally hits, they're terrified. No one sees their fear but it's there. Oh god, it's there. Pr0-w1 doesn't want to fall in love. Even though, time has changed and 100 years ago or so are definitely long since gone. Even though, it's accepted to be in a relationship that is not just between a woman and a man--wait sorry--a woman and a man where neither of them are trans (or at least not publicly), it's engraved in that fear. A piece of fear like that? Something of that size, can never be removed. It's small, but it's the spark that creates the fire. 

 

Pr0-w1 is terrified. 

 

And apparently, everyone, well everyone except Nick (which is both a blessing and a curse) can see they're in love with him. And apparently everyone is convinced that Nick is in love, too, and even that they're both too dense to see it. Pr0-w1, on the other hand, is not convinced. Everyone could be part of the prank of making Pr0-w1 believe someone could actually fall in love with them. It's honestly quite possible at this point. People can be horrible to each other, you know.

 

They catch themselves, sometimes. Staring at Nick Valentine. Diamond City's own synthetic noir detective. A gen 2 prototype like them. A synth that has the memories of someone else in their head that's also from a hellish time, just like them. But he's got his own past to deal with. The killer of his past self's fiancée--fuck, never mind that he's still got her death to deal with. He's got the guilt from something that he could not possible control. At least, that's what Pr0-w1 hopes.

 

Pr0-w1, on the other hand, who owns the memories of an former underground boxer, who went through their own shit. They wanted to be an artist, but what past Prowl got instead was trying to survived not being brutally murdered for being nonbinary, for being trans. Especially by someone who thought it was a crime. Sure, not close to Nick's own nightmare, but no nightmares were made equal. 

 

They're both got ghosts in them, and without them? They'd be shells. Made of cogs, faded synthetic skin, and bent metal.

 

Never the less, He's got his own identity to fight with, never mind falling in love. Especially, with someone like Pr0-w1. Sure, they actually have somewhat of their identity together but in all honesty they only hold onto the ideal that they are Prowl just so they don't have to risk falling apart and having a break down. It's happened once, long ago, before they ever met Nick, Hancock, or anyone now. They don't want a relapse. No one does, really. Never the less Pr0-w1 is falling in love with a man who might not even be who he thinks he is. 

 

They catch themselves, wanting to reach for his hand but never acting on it. Wanting to say "I love you" and get one back. Staring at Nick in love. They're in love with Nick. They're in love with the way he talks, the way he moves, the way he holds his cigarette, when he says doll or sweetheart. His clothes. The holes in in his face. His eyes. Everything about him. Goddamn it, They're in love with Nick and they've gone too deep to dig themselves out. They're not gonna act on that. No matter how much Hancock says he loves them. Hell, they not even sure if Ellie is in on the joke when she brings it up. 

 

She doesn't bring it up often. She never does when Nick is around. Hancock, on the other hand, will. He won't say anything about it in front of Nick, thankfully. But he brings it up often. He tell them with tiredness and genuineness. Tiredness because he's tired of them pinning over each other but being too dense to notice it. Genuineness because, apparently, it is true that Nick Valentine, the detective himself, does love them.

 

And even if it's true. They won't ever act on it. Prowl won't bring it up. They refuse to out of fear. Love is scary. love, is terrifying.

 

It's terrifying, how one falls in love.

 

* * *

  _Love runs it course._

_A mark in the scoreboard._

_So I nailed my heart,_

_under the floorboards._

**Author's Note:**

> pr0-w1 is a gen 2/2.5 synth oc, kind of like nick.  
> i kind of wanted to get into their point of view a lil bit and [makes i dunno noises] 
> 
> :^)
> 
> this is my first work and definitely not edited at all so ho boy im sorry for any mistakes.


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